Around this time of year, people start thinking about their hopes for the year ahead. Many set New Year’s resolutions around this time of year as a way to focus on goals for the future.
While most resolutions are along the self-improvement lines of “lose weight” and “procrastinate less”, at Hearthstone Kitchen and Cellar, we urge you to take a different (not to mention more delicious and light-hearted) approach. Here, we’ll offer up some humorous foodie resolutions with explanations about why they work and how you can stay committed to them throughout the year.
1. Donut worry, be happy.
Why it works: Because everyone wants to be happy, right? You can’t be unhappy with something sweet on your plate. At Hearthstone, our New Year’s Eve menu features donuts: our dessert course is a chocolate duo featuring warm Nutella filled donuts, chocolate bourbon dipping sauce, Meyer lemon cheesecake, and white chocolate peppermint bark.
Stay committed: Donut fret: we have sweets available all year round, and carbs and sweets reign supreme on the Hearthstone menu. At brunch, you might opt for our warm cinnamon sticky bun or our salted caramel French toast. As an after dinner treat, you might choose to enjoy our butterscotch pudding, served with cookie butter crunch and whipped cream, or our milk chocolate souffle, featuring almonds, chocolate chip, and coffee creme anglaise.
2. Quit drinking for good…instead, drink for evil.
Why it works: Because your heart is made of darkness, anyway. Hey, we don’t judge. We’ve got a touch of the darkness, too.
Stay committed: Enjoy a drink (or let’s be honest, a few) at Hearthstone! Choose your poison: maybe it will be a selection from our extensive wine menu, or maybe it will be one of our carefully curated cocktail offerings, such as the Honey Badger, made with Bombay Sapphire East, Belle Poire, fresh apple juice, lemon, Thai basil, and cardamom honey, or maybe the Red Rock Sunset, made with Absolut Elyx vodka, Aperol, Orgeat, Stiegl grapefruit, and Scrappy’s grapefruit bitters.
3. Lose weight…or buy bigger pants.
Why it works: Because with this resolution, you have options.
Stay committed: Come for happy hour at Hearthstone. Order an appetizer. Think about ordering another; if you feel like it, do it. Think about if you really want to be on a diet right now…or if staying for dinner is what you really need. After all, our Hanger Steak with steak fries and truffle aioli is delicious. Listen to the call of your belly!
4. Pursue happiness…doubly.
Why it works: Because happy hour is great. Happy hours, however, are even better.
Stay committed: Happy hour is so nice, we offer it twice on Saturdays! On a daily basis, happy hour is offered from 5-7 pm. Keep the good times coming!
5. Get skinny…fries, that is.
Why it works: Being skinny doesn’t feel as good as fries taste. Our “skinny” fries are thinly cut and fried to toasty perfection.
Stay committed: Order a side of our Crispy Skinny Fries when you join us for brunch! Really, there is nothing on the menu with which they don’t pair well.
6. Lose fifteen pounds…or my temper. Whichever comes first.
Why it works: Because if you start getting hangry, you have permission to eat already!
Stay committed: If you really want to lose weight, go ahead: order some of our still-delicious healthy options such as our Harvest Quinoa Salad, which features chickpeas, apples, gouda, and roasted pumpkin seeds (it’s vegan and gluten-free, to boot). If the idea of a salad makes you want to have a Hulk-like temper tantrum, abandon that diet and order yourself a cheeseburger! Ours is made with pimento cheese, pickle sauce, onion, lettuce, and tomato, and it’s glorious. Go ahead, add an egg or bacon if you want!
7. Exercise (your right to eat) more (pizza).
Why it works: Everyone should be able to make a stand for what they desire in life. Pizza is a fine desire!
Stay committed: Exercise your right to cheese, please! Our pizzas, from the classic margherita-style to the creative truffle chicken (featuring roasted garlic ricotta, gouda, bacon, and chives), are well worth your time and palate. You’ll definitely want a pizza this.
8. Don’t go to the gym on days ending with Y.
Why it works: Because quite frankly: so much food and drink, so little time. Why work out when you can work your way through the menu?
Stay committed: Go ahead and make our menu your personal to-do list, starting with brunch and sampling your way through appetizers, main dishes, and (of course) dessert! Don’t forget to choose the right drink pairing for your choice of entree!
9. Eat diet food…while you’re waiting for your steak.
Why it works: Because health food is good, but sometimes you need something heartier.
Stay committed: Go ahead, order a salad or a healthier appetizer. But don’t hold back on ordering the dinner of your dreams!
10. Give up. Alcohol!
Why it works: Because the careful placement of punctuation makes this a much more pleasurable resolution than “Give up alcohol”. Rather, you’re waving that white flag and “giving up” and are then declaring, jubilantly, “alcohol!”.
Stay committed: Have another round, friends. Enjoy!
11. Try juicing.
Why it works: Because we never said you couldn’t augment that juice with champagne.
Stay committed: Come to brunch and invest in yourself by ordering our bottomless mimosa! It is really the perfect pairing for any menu item, and it’s a great way to while away the morning with friends. Viva la juice!
12. Quit making restrictive food resolutions.
Why it works: Nobody likes skinny sober people, anyway.
Stay committed: Commit to pleasure rather than rigidity! No, we’re not saying you should binge eat or be unhealthy. But to enjoy yourself in moderation, eating good quality food and indulging in a cocktail every now again? That’s what life is about.
Resolve to eat deliciously in 2018! Whether you’re coming to our Las Vegas reverse happy hour or visiting for brunch, we hope to see you soon at Hearthstone Cellar and Kitchen.
What’s your favorite foodie New Year’s resolution?